As we begin the last week of 2021, I’m reflecting, but also, as I typically do this time of year, looking toward the future.
I wrote in my last post, how awful that first Christmas was without Dale. I thought I’d planned but underestimated the impact that first Christmas would have on my psyche.
This year, I knew I wouldn’t be traveling, as I backed out of my planned cruise due to covid (a good move, given the recent surge). I tried to make a back-up plan, inviting another single friend here, but that didn’t work out, either. I got distracted and didn’t make a plan C.
This Christmas wasn’t terrible, plenty of people in my tribe called and texted and I had dinner with my aunt and uncle. But I once again woke up alone on Christmas day. I don’t like it, as much as I try to trick my mind into thinking it’s just another day.
I also awoke the first time on Christmas Day this year at 3:33. I’m a spiritual person and believe in synchronicity. In Angel Numbers, this number represents a sign to keep moving forward on our path.
Now, that might be a little woo-woo for some of you, but bear with me.
When we are widowed, we have three people we can count on: Me, myself and I.
If I don’t like something in my life, I only have myself to rely on to make a change.
So, you know what? As soon as I felt it wasn’t too early on Christmas Day, I texted my second pet sitter (I knew one was already booked) and asked if she was available to sit during the holidays in 2022. I’d already talked with my exchange daughter in Germany about spending Christmas with her and her family in Munich next year.
Covid still may be a concern, so I may not get there, but I will be some place and I will be with people. That may mean I’m just chatting with the person who brings me room service coffee. It may mean traveling in the U.S. with other widowed friend or friends I’ve met. It may mean having a good friend come and stay here or opening a retreat to another widow. Or it could mean I’m in a relationship with someone who is sharing their family with me, or wants to travel, too.
I don’t know yet. What I do know is that I cannot go back to what I had and it’s unacceptable for me to feel as if I’m stuck.
My big lesson for 2021 is not just to move forward, but to create multiple plans in how that looks. It’s Ok if Plan A doesn’t work to move to B, C, D, or wherever, as long as it moves me forward.
Happy New Year to you. May you have a healthy and happy one that keeps moving you forward and make days that are merry and bright.
Living Large in Widowhood 